Eventually people started fading away.  We had a couple leave and then the redundancies started rolling out.  The company just wasn’t make money for a plethora of reasons people attempted to tell me about.  I didn’t care.  I felt like my good intentioned “Go in fighting and make the most of it” game plan had been thrown back in my face.  Here’s my new plan.  If it talks like it’ll suck, walks like it’ll suck then guess what.   I will listen to my heart of hearts instead of blindly follow that “hey, go make the most of it” bullshit.  I should have cut ties to begin with.  I was writing my resignation letter when I got called into the office.

The MD looked down and told me, “look, we’re going to dissolve your role, however, I have another role open that’d I’d like you to take”.  He sighed.  “But I can tell you’ve had a guts full of this place and I don’t blame you”.  I told him I didn’t want the role.  He asked if I needed a support person for this meeting.  I gave him a look.  He laughed and said, yea, you’re scary enough on your own, I didn’t think you’d need one.

I’ve somehow found myself gleefully jobless for the summer season.  And what a season it will be!  I guess I’ll head back into temping before the big move across the ditch.

A few people have been asking me what products I use for this and that so I thought I’d type it all up as a bit of a review on things.  What you need to know is, I am the worlds laziest person when it comes to make up and girly shit.  Basically, my criteria for any product is Highly Rated All Over The Internet and Takes Five Seconds To Use with a side of Minimal Effort Required.

Summer Skin

My mother and Aunt both work at a cosmetic and surgical skin clinic.  If there is one lesson I have had repeatedly drummed in to me my entire life, it is the evils of sun tanning.  This will age your skin prematurely, give you wrinkles, make you look like an old baked potato, steal your last chocolate and lock you out of your car.  So, like any other whitey who burns to all fuckery after 10 minutes outside, I fake tan instead.

I use Xen Tan products and I LOVE them.  They’re the only tanner I have used that aren’t orange at all they don’t smell weird.  I mean, they smell good for like an hour or so then there is that weird fake tan smell but that doesn’t last long either.  They come out of the bottle usually a brown or green colour which just sort of reinforces how less likely they are to turn  you into a tangerine.  The colour is just so natural.

Dark Lotion
This is my number one right here.  It does not mess around with this gradual tanning rubbish, you put it on and you are done.  It is one of Xen Tan’s darkest formulas but it’s not ridiculous.  I am white beyond belief and this does not stand out as outrageous as all.  It’s a gorgeous colour.  It does have a stain in it though so you will be able to see where you have a applied it and this top colour looks a little red on me.  That washes straight off in the shower.  This is one you’d want to apply before bed I guess.  Sometimes I don’t and just wear that top colour like a boss.  Like I said, lazy.

Mousse
Considerably lighter than the Dark Lotion.  It was the first product I bought and I loved it to start with.  It’s a foam texture so it doesn’t streak at all and is dead easy to put on.  It’s a great base colour for starting your tan and for your face.  However, I’d doubt this one would be dark enough for those slightly more tan or naturally olive, it is very light.  It’s the tanner for scaredy cats.  How’s that.

Transform Luxe
This one is one of those gradual tan moisturizer things.  I actually really like it, the colour is good and it’s nice for your face and over a tan to keep it fresh.  I usually use it in the days after Dark Lotion application.

Face Tanner
Not sure if I’m sold on this.  I used to use it when I was too scared to put the other darker products on my face but usually now I just use the remnants of what’s on my tanning mitt to do a quick swipe over my chops.  The face tanner is a noticeable colour, not orange but enough to feel you don’t have to wear any bronzer at all.  I usually give up on make up completely if I have a tan, the colour evens your skin out.

The other Xen Tan product I tried out was Perfect Blend.  It’s an interesting idea, basically, one half of the canister is fake tan and the other is a bronzer.  You can use the dial at the top to control how much of each product comes out.  I sorta loved this idea, especially the bronzer, which I figured would be like instant tan for situations when you suddenly realise you’ll be wearing a dress and you weren’t prepared.  The thing is.. it’s not really like that.  I honestly did not think there was any colour in this product at all.  The bronzer did zip and the tan was like… less than the Mousse I mentioned earlier.  I thought it was a can of nothing I paid money for.  Definitely the most most disappointing of this range.

The one thing I can’t recommend highly enough is those fake tan mitts.  Sure they seem a bit useless but they are ESSENTIAL for an even application.  Plus they stop your palms soaking in colour.  Winner all round, really.  I guess if you don’t want to buy one you could use a sock.  Keep it gangsta, and such.

The last thing I did try out recently is the Sally Hanson Spray on Legs.  I can’t remember what colour I got.  I didn’t read the instructions because I know everything and employed my poor boyfriend to spray it on for me.  There was a lot of EEEEKKKK ing involved, mainly because its A) Freezing straight out of the can B) SUCH a strong colour C) Is not so much a fake tan as it is a body makeup.  It’s like a foundation for legs.  When I did read the instructions it said to spray it into your hand first.  It washes off immediately in the shower with a bit of a scrub.  I liked it I guess, it’s definitely a product that can be used in Emergency Dress situations for its Fuck It, That’ll Do perks.

I found the bestest ever sunscreen with a bronzer and such, more on that in my next post.

He was jolly and Irish and asked us if we’d seen that guy we almost killed.  “I’m sorrrrrry” I wailed.  “We’re tourists”.
“Well you’re a wee bit unlucky.  It’s Intersection Week in Auckland and we’re paying extra mind to those breaking the rules”
I asked our Aucklander friend later about this and he reckoned this guy just made that up.  “Where are you going”, he continued.
“Just around the corner actually, according to Google Maps.”
“Alright well let me tell you something.  Around that corner is another red light.  You should probably stop at that one.  It’s outside a University and I don’t fancy the chances for the student who has to take on this truck”.
He laughed, vaguely asked for an address, told us he didn’t care what address we gave him and walked off.  He never sent the fine.

TINY HOTEL WAS TINY.  Bout the same as my room at home, except it fit a bedroom a kitchen and a sofa in it.  It was silently decided that my brother and his mate will also be staying with us, due to lack of my brothers planning, which had led to a CAN I STAY WITH YOU text the day before.

The concert was very good.  Although we had upstairs seated tickets, no one was really checking them and we could have joined the masses moshing below if we had wanted.  I.. was ok not doing it.  Is this growing up?  Wanting to watch a concert instead of getting stood on and smashed up in a pit?  I feel like I’ve sold out somehow.  I’ll admit, I ended up dancing as hard by myself in aisles upstairs as I would have downstairs so maybe it made no difference.  I think Rise Against were better the first time I saw them, about 5 years ago I guess.  The lead singer could still scream like he meant it back then and I felt this time around it was a little short.  And they didn’t play my favourite song.  Hmm.

We met back up with the group and went out to look for a taxi.  I love punk gigs.  Everyone is just so friendly.  We watched some bogan rark his matte black piece of shit V4 down the street, eventually losing control, did a full 180 and smashed into a taxi.  It was hilarious.  Then he burnt off again. 20 seconds later another piece of shit casually rolled past missing a tyre.  Not even related.

It was a hungover morning driving back down to Ohakune.  We had a late start up the mountain and quickly realised it wasn’t the best weekend to go up.  School holidays plus not all the lifts were open = far too many people in one spot.  Aside from that it was fun.  I’m still pretty useless but I’m not creating a huge pile up of bodies off the chairlifts like I used to.

My dad lent us the jeep mostly because I think he was keen to see it actually do some off roading rather than living to cart giant dog down to the river and back.  Said giant dog is currently snoring so loud next to me he’s drowning out my music.  Dad was excited for us.  He filled up the jeep with gas and, very sweetly, packed the centre console with energy drinks and sea salt crisps.  We were stoked. We were also disorganised as hell.  I think we finally sorted our shit out at about 10pm and started the 4 hour trip to Ohakune.  For reasons unknown, Jase decided to take one of the more random routes out of the city and we were pretty merry for about an hour.  I had spent the day organising my ipod into playlists and was treating him to my hideously out of tune IKnowAllTheWordsToEverything skills.  Then we got to the top of the hill and the road was closed and we had to drive all the way back to Upper Hutt.

So at about 11pm we hit the road again.

Obviously we got to Ohakune pretty late.  The main pub was still open and serving food though so we were all good.  I had a sudden flash back to the last time I was in that pub with Zara.  Something was wrong with their sounds and they one singles Benny Benassi CD that they played on repeat for 4 hours.  We were pretty drunk and I think I cheerfully lost my sanity listening to it over and over again.  Try it.  TRY IT.

The next morning was some sort of horrible early start, probably not as early as I thought it was but anything before 11am is usually too hard.  We drove through tiny little towns I’d not seen before.  They were weird.  “Hey.  Was that rock wearing a hat?”  It was. I took a photo with it on the way back.

We stopped off in Hamilton for lunch and for me to buy a hair dryer.  By about this point Jase had learnt that when I say right, I mean left, I know where I’m going, why don’t you understand me, the iPhone is always right, trust me.  I reckon I did alright!  I also reckon Google Maps probably has been saving relationships since its inception.

Something weird happened this year  in my town. It’s never, ever, happened before.

We had to rescue the turtle.  Yeah, she was probably just sleeping through it but I was genuinely concerned the pond was going to freeze over.  Cash is also concerned.

It was on every news source we have for 3 days straight.  Everyone was delighted.  No one really knew what to do but in the States they have snow days too, right?  So…um… I guess we’ll close some schools and people have a good excuse not to go to work.  The news reporters said they recommend wearing socks over your shoes for extra grip.  Everyone promptly built snowmen and snow penises.  There were kids sliding down hills on plastic bags.  It may sound silly to you Northern Hemisphere folk but we have just never seen anything like this before.  It was magical.  3 days later, it was gone and they say we’ll probably never see it again.

AND SO, WE MOVE ON. To a new chapter, a new life and you know what, I’m ready to do some grown up shit.

In September I’ll be meeting up with some of my London crew in Bali, a nice little half way point. Sort of. Still a good 20 hour flight but this will be the first holiday in YEARS that I’m going on with actual cash to spend. Backpackers? Hostels? What am I, some sort of peasant? Fuck no, we be 5 star baby, margaritas by the pool and massages before breakfast. I may be exaggerating a little. We’re still broke but heaps better at hiding it. I haven’t told work yet. I hate this conversation. “Oh morning boss, I’m leaving the country for 12 days. If you don’t like it, I’ll quit. I’d prefer not to quit though. Your call.”

So that’s this years holiday. Adventure and beaches. I hope we can hire scooters there, mad island driving is usually death defying and hilarious.

ACTUAL LIFE PLAN TIME.

Last night as I lay awake at 3am, after taking a sleeping pill and feeling it start to work…. then stop working, I decided I want my own house. With my own furniture and my own paint and I want to go to antique stores and buy ridiculous pieces that don’t fit anywhere. I want to live ALONE, no flatmates. Is that antisocial? Probably. But no one does their own dishes EVER. EVER. I do miss the sitting round for Family Guy though. I dunno. Maybe it would be the final straw that would turn me into a hermit for good. I digress.

Jase and I have been looking at Mt Isa, Australia. The money there is actually ridiculous, the city is a mining town. Whilst I’m excited to be able to Afford Nice Things and Have a Savings Account, I’m not so excited about Mt Isa. It’s like, Napolean Dynamite’s home town, if he were an Aussie and lived in the desert. I’ve been trying to read up on life there and the majority of what I can find has been positive, though, I can’t help but feel it is nice people making the best of the shit situation. There are snakes. And spiders. And crocodiles. And lead poisoning. Australia is the country that will kill you if you walk through the long grass. I’m also struggling to find flats for rent. Furnished ones, at that. I’m not sure if that’s because Isa just doesn’t do the internet or because there really is a lack of places to live. It seems like a town you just sorta turn up to. Which is what I usually do I guess.

I’m excited about the next step in life.

I was a little put off by the tiny office and silent work conditions. Not that that is strictly enforced, it’s just everyone here is out and about most of the time and no one has a radio or speakers. It’s not a company that is very social, just due to it’s size I guess. But all that didn’t matter, to be honest, I was just keen to get out of the house and have something to focus on.

By about midday, the girl who was teaching me things and I had completely run out of work. “What do you do when there’s not much on?” I asked her. “Oh you know, internet, make your folders pretty, that kind of thing”. My heart sank. The very last thing I wanted was more wasted time doing nothing during my day, except this time, doing nothing and watching a clock. I got on the train, got picked up by my boyfriend and cried and cried.

I think I cried most days after work that week. The job itself was kinda hard to click on to, they use a bunch of different programs for different things and they’re not exactly intuitive. My problem was that with the lack of anything to do, I just couldn’t get a grip on to the systems at all, seeing as I was using them about once every 3 days. The girl teaching me stuff was very nice but I know she spent most of her day on chat or doing her university work. I couldn’t understand why they hired someone full time. Everything I was asked to do was finished before 10am. 11, if I read the entire Internet first.

Then it just….got better. All of sudden. My boss (who I’d not met) came back from holiday a few weeks later and work suddenly got busy. I’m writing lists of shit to do so my brain doesn’t explode, stressing out a little and learning those systems hella quick. I’m having epic arguments with our suppliers, shit gets tricky and I’m enjoying that. It always takes me a while to warm up to people in general but now I’m chatting away to the team and generally not hating it. I mean, it’s a job, job is a job, I’m not crying on the train home any more and that’s a genuine plus.

It’s paying monthly which I find really difficult to budget around but hey – I’m getting paid. Which means more plans and something to work for. Things aren’t so bad.

Then the forms.  Hell.  In a room of about 6 people all attempting to bludge like me, I am the only one filling out the forms given to us.  I hear a loud stage whisper from the corner.  “We don’t have to fill out this shit, do we?  Fuck”.    I know, I thought I’d be able to just swoop in and get cash for free, too.  Regardless, I fill them out as best I can, some parts of it were a bit like a cover letter, skills, etc, easy stuff.  Then a very nice yet hard-arsed lady grabbed me for a chat.   “Ok”, she begins.  “Did you fill out the form”.  I filled out the form.  She seems surprised.  I tell her I’m signed up to 3 recruitment agencies and have been getting interviews for weeks.  Her eyes about drop out of her head.  “I have no money” I remind her.  “This is why I’m here”.  “Well, it’s good your getting interviews.  Do you think maybe they just didn’t like you?”  Yes, thanks, that did occur to me later whilst I wrote emo poetry about my low self esteem and cried into a gin bottle.

I am a NICE PERSON ok.  People like me, fuck.  The problem thus far is that there are 10000 other nice people out there all looking for the same jobs.  I tell her this.  She nods.  “You’ve got experience in cash handling?”  This seems to be a plus.  “Yes, I’ve been a waitress/bartender off and on in down times for years”.  This also seems to start an argument.  “There are waitressing jobs in Porirua I could get for you”.  “Porirua is an hour drive and I don’t have a car.  My wage would be used to pay off our outrageously priced public transport”.  “It’s better than being on the benefit”, she tells me, nodding.

No it fucking wouldn’t, what planet do you live on.  “I’m not going to Porirua to be a waitress.” I say firmly.  “You will keep anything an option if you want this benefit” she shoots back.  How do I argue this other than, “You’re a dick”.  I choose to sulk instead.  She pulls up other min wage jobs she thinks would suit me.  “Look”, I tell her.  “I don’t mind doing data entry and hospo locally on a temp basis until I find a real job.  I just don’t want to be trapped in something crappy and miss my chances for something better.  I am getting interviews, like I told you, I’m sure something good will happen soon.  These roles are just temp, right?” “I can’t answer those questions” she continues to tap away at the keyboard.

I have a feeling I’m doing this wrong.  Everyone else just seems to be saying they’re good for nothing and they’re on the sweet sweet path to free cash in the hand.  I’m actually trying to find a job and it’s like they want to make an EXAMPLE out of me.  I grab my starter pack and stomp out.  The next step is to actually enroll for the dole, now they know I’m a work seeker.  They’ll now continue to harass me regarding shit jobs they’ve payed some company off for.  I dunno how genuine dole bludgers put up with this, seriously, not working sounds freaking hard.

Another interview this afternoon, keep on swimming, etc.

As it happens, Kiwi’s are Kiwi’s and his careful yet excessive planning only actually lasted one night, but hey, it was a good effort.

I didn’t know what to do for my birthday this year.  My parents skipped out for an Easter break and took my dog with them which is always a little distressing.  The house feels really weird without the constant presence of this giant creature who lives under my bed and follows me round.  I called off one dinner because organising people on a public holiday is like herding cats and decided randomly on the night that I’d go to dinner anyway with just a few people.  Even that almost didn’t happen due to social anxiety and the fact I cannot organise anything for myself.  I feel like too much of a douche.  This is exactly why I didn’t have a 21st party.  It was actually a really good night, we ended up at the local and brought a party home.  Was much better than crying in bed with a bottle of vodka which I had previously planned to do.

This week will be more interviews and talks with recruitment companies.  I’m actually in awe at how difficult it’s been to find work here.  Perhaps I should have moved to Auckland.  Hrm.

SO WHAT’S NEW?  Sweet fuck all, actually.

I have been on a serious down buzz regarding finding a job.  I mean, yeah, so I’m not someone who is guttered to not be working.  But a couple of months down the track and this city is seriously taking the piss.  I’ve been to interviews and interviews, signed up with a bunch of recruitment agencies, scouring job pages on the web, seriously, there is nothing.  I just don’t know what to do anymore.  I can’t even get Work and Income to call me back about getting on the dole.  Bunch of useless… I am so sick of myself at the moment.

Oh and I turn 26 this week.  Happy fucking birthday.

Almost a year since I left London now, still missing it every single day.  I just haven’t settled here yet.  Struggling to, as well.  Same old song.

I guess the best thing to do at this point is to set stupid goals that won’t help anything in the long run but keep me from going crazy.  Stopping smoking has been pretty much impossible but I’m still trying.  WRITE MOAR.  Gym more.  No carbs, etc.  No bitching via social media.  Blog stuff.  TAKE PHOTOS AGAIN.  Wait by the phone in case the last person I interviewed with calls :(