Is it truly necessary to stand completely naked for more than 10minutes in a public changing room? I speak of the changing rooms at the gym. I mean, I’m all for woman embracing how they look, old, young, fat, skinny. But for craps sake. There’s these ladies at the gym who carefully take off ALL of their clothes (including undies, what the hell, do you people not work out wearing UNDERWEAR?) and bend over for a good long time arranging their clothes in the lockers. I see no point to this. I get in there, take off work clothes and put gym gear on. No fucking around with my tits and bits out. Do you actually need to stand completely nude brushing your hair in a room of 15 other people?

“But Lilley”, I hear you say, “why don’t you just NOT look?” Well firstly, the duration of the nudity is long enough that my neck gets sore staring intently in the other direction. Also, if I’m glancing in that direction, I do not expect women to do the full bend over after taking their knickers off, therefore its like SURPRISE! MY ASSHOLE!

The worst bit about the lady who takes her knickers off, is that she doesn’t put any back on. She just pulls her bike shorts on and carries on her merry way. “I don’t want to sit on the bicycle after her!” my friend Nat whispers frantically. Take your own towel to the gym, kids.

My workmate Emma told me of a woman at her gym, who strips down and, I’m sorry about this, lifts a leg on to the bench, grabs her towel and performs what could be described as the “Toothfloss” motion. While casually talking with her friend. Not necessary! My eyes! They burn!