I was meant to write about this the other night but ended up writting it all in a email to Miss L.Welch in England. Since I’m lazy and can’t be bothered rewritting it all I’m just going to copy and paste it here. Therefore parts of it might not make sense:

I know how tired you can get doing nothing! It is damn hard work and to be honest I just don’t think they pay us enough.

Yesterday something really weird happened. I was sitting here, probably reading the news sites or comic strips and kinda shifted in my chair. Instantly my leg felt greasy. Confused, I had a look at my chair (and had a smell). There was like cooking oil in a strip along the side of my chair. I think it was cooking oil. It was deffinatly oily. But im at a loss of how it got there. I mean, how did it get there? Will it come out of my jeans? But how did it get there? Everyone swears that no one had gone near my desk. I stayed awake for a long time thinking about that last night.

I also went home to the parents house to do some laundry. Ya know the best thing about going home is the food right. So im like mmm crossionts and stuck one in the microwave. On accident I hit the wrong button and started cooking it for like 1min30sec. I thought nah, that’s cool, no need to reset it, ill just wait 20seconds and take it out. Instantly I became sidetracked.

Do you have any idea how bad a crossiont smells when its burnt? Do you know how much smoke those little things emit? I mean thick grey smoke was pouring out of the microwave, damn it smelt like arse. Still hungry, and not to be deterred by my inability to heat up a crossiont, I grabbed one of those ready to eat pasta thingys. The instructions said 2min but ya know, they always take a bit longer so I put it in for like 2min 30.

It exploded. I mean exploded. I mean the roof and the sides of the microwave were covered. It was then I decided I would invent a microwave with a Autowash function considering that would be the second time I had to clean the fuc.ker in the space of like 10minutes.

I had crackers for dinner.

I know you guys used to give me shit at school about not knowing how to cook, but seriously I think I have some sort of weird curse thing going on.

Howz england?

Xx Lilley